Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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