Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize