i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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