you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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