i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
