Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
