I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
