i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
