Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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