Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
