You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
