Sry I called you an 8
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
