I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
