According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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