i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
