What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Small penises have feelings too.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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