after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
