i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
