No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
