The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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