my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we made out on top of his cat.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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