you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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