i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
