Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
