I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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