By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We had sex on a dog bed..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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