can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
