unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So many bounce houses so little time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
