I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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