Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
there is glitter all over my balls
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
