She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
