Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
