I bet he comes in French.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You've changed since you got that strap on
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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