First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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