So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
