The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
