listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
