My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
