"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
