i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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