My hand turned me down
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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