I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
