For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
