K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
