It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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