U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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