You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
