also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
