its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize