Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
