im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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