PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We're not piercing ourselves today.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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