ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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