Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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