why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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