If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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