I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he thought i was a dude.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
