I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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