He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize