I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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