now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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