Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
