Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
