my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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