Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
